Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Oriole Tears Taste the Sweetest of All

The final vestige of Baltimore's baseball colonialism will soon be smitten from our fair city. The Baltimore Sun reports that the loathsome Orioles store on Farragut Square will soon be closing its barren doors and slithering back up the B-W Parkway. The store, which has taken up prime real estate in the heart of DC for 20 years, is closing down because of a complete loss of business since the Nats came to town.

Back in May, I compared the Orioles' baseball colonization of Washington to the British colonization of the United States in the 18th century. The arrival of the Nats felt like the victory at Yorktown, but the store was the one remaining blemish of Oriole domination of D.C. Nats fan club president Colin Mills agrees with me, noting (in the article): "It's as if the British, after losing the Revolution, had kept a royal office open in downtown Boston." Indeed, it was, and now we can replace the Orioles' tyrannical store with another Starbucks...ooh, or maybe a Chipotle! (Mmm! Chipotle!)

Way to vote with your wallets, D.C. fans! We bankrupted the Orioles store! Ahahahahah! Aaaahahaha! Hey Angelos, take your crappy little store and go home!

Baltimore Sun photo of empty Orioles Store by Jeff Barker, September 17, 2006